Quotes on Discipline

Don’t just teach your children external self-control; train them to understand temptation and resist it.
John MacArthur

The Lord gave only ten commandments for all of life. In the Garden of Eden there was just one rule. Obedience centered around it, and the penalty was clearly spelled out… Long before the sin, God said, “Don’t; but if you do, this will be the consequence.” And when it happened, He followed through… God clearly sets forth His will. He lays out the rules, and He says what the penalty will be before the infraction takes place. When the transgression happens, He follows through. That is the basis for all consistent discipline as it appears in the Word of God. In spite of our sinful failures, we must more and more train our children God’s way.
Jay E. Adams, Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 110,122,

A father that (disciplined) his son for swearing, and swore himself whilst he (disciplined) him, did more harm by his example than good by his correction.
Thomas Fuller

Principles of Parental Discipline:
1.    To be effective discipline must be consistent.
2.    Discipline ought to be age-appropriate.
3.    Discipline must adhere to the biblical principles of fairness and justice.
4.    Discipline should be child-specific.
5.    Discipline should be administered in love and not anger.
6.    Discipline should be future-orientated and forward-looking.
7.    Disciple must be part of a relationship.
Andreas Kostenberger, God, Marriage and Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 162.

Romans 2:14-15 indicates that the conscience is your ally in teaching your children to understand their sin. The conscience within man is always either excusing or accusing. If you make your appeal there, you avoid making correction a contest between you and your child. Your child’s controversy is always with God.
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 199.

The rod, carefully administered with love, meaning, and purpose (as well as the right amount of force), is the most merciful form of punishment… (When the child is grounded) and his parents are on the outs with him for days. Is that really merciful? That is torture… The rod is a punishment quickly and mercifully inflicted.
Jay E. Adams, Christian Living in the Home, P&R Publishing, 1972, p. 119

The rod is not a matter of an angry parent venting his wrath upon a small helpless child. The rod is a faithful parent, recognizing his child’s dangerous state, employing a God-given remedy. The issue is not a parental insistence on being obeyed. The issue is the child’s need to be rescued from death (Proverbs 23:14) – the death that results from rebellion left unchallenged in the heart.
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 129.

In the book of Proverbs…the “rod” of correction…is presented as serving three primary purposes:
1.    As a means of disciplining a child based on parental love (Pr. 13:24).
2.    As a way to remove folly and to impart wisdom (Proverbs 22:15; 29:15).
3.    As a possible aid to the child’s salvation (Proverbs 23:13-14).
Andreas Kostenberger,  God, Marriage and Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 157.

It might be worthwhile to reiterate the fact that parental discipline should never injure the child. It is never necessary to bruise your children in order to spank them hard enough to make your point. Spanking should always be administered with love and never when the parent is in a fit of rage. That sort of discipline is indeed abusive, wrong, and detrimental to the child, because it shatters the environment of loving nurture and instruction Ephesians 6:4 describes.
John MacArthur

We confidently affirm that the right way to approach discipline is to begin with tight control in the early years and then loosen up as the children become older, rather than attempt to rein in children who have not known control for years.  Although it is a serious mistake to fail to gain control of your children in the early years, we believe it is equally ineffective and injurious not to let go at the proper time.  If you want your sons and daughters to achieve the maturity of a life given over to the control of God, you must trust God and relinquish control to them.  It is a spiritual axiom:  Your children cannot give to God what they do not own.
Kent and Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Family, Crossway, 2004, p. 120.

As a parent seeking to shepherd, you want to influence your (teen) to respond to the things that are reasonable, drawn from insight into human character based on Scripture. You are seeking to influence and provide counsel. You can accomplish nothing of lasting value simply by being an authority.
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 228.

Teenagers experience frequent failure. As Christian parents you must become adept at taking your child to the cross to find forgiveness and power to live. You do your children great disservice if you strip away all the excuses for failure and force them to see their sin as it is, without giving them well worn paths to the cross.
Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, 1995, p. 232.